Sleeping Beauty

I attended Sleeping Beauty at Playhouse Square earlier this afternoon.  The ballet reminded me how awesome and beautiful fairies are, and how relevant they are to babies.  Many fairy-tales involve fairies, and their various blessings, curses, abductions, and guardianship of babies and young girls until they come of age.  Most of the "bad" fairies curse babies when they weren't invited to celebrate the coming, birth, or other important event in a girls life.  So, I will be making sure I invite all fairies to all important events in my future child(ren)'s life.

A good fairy also helped Princess Aurora's true love find her so they could be together, since a bad fairy had kidnapped her with the intention of keeping the lovers from each other, which does make me wonder about the involvement of fairies in my relationship with my husband.  Sometimes it certainly does take outside help in order for us to understand each other, and outside influence for us to completely misunderstand each other as well.  We certainly need to be paying attention to the good fairies, and the good outside influences that help us.  It's just so hard to tell which ones are good and which ones are not a lot of the time.

Baby Fairies

My Little Snow Fairy by Katmary
Licensed under Creative Commons

I really want a baby.  I don't hide this desire well at all.  Many people at my church know me as that lady who's always holding other people's babies.  I've been asked many times, even by people I don't know that well, whether my husband and I are trying.

When it seemed like trying was far in the future I had no issues answering this question.  Now that trying is closer (but not as close as I'd like),  I find myself being much more shy, and often quite rude, with my responses to the question.  I've recently been told by my doctor that I shouldn't try for six weeks because of some issues my body is having.  I'm pretty depressed about it.  A while ago my husband and I thought we'd be trying around this time.  We're both excited, me more than him, though.  I'm grateful that it probably won't be more than six weeks.  Still, six weeks seems like forever to me right now.

I feel like I'm meant to be a mom.  I like to think that fairies are out in the universe waiting to become the soul of my baby.  It makes it a bit easier to wait for the physical form of my baby to think that the spiritual parts are already there.  Also, I like to think that I can already communicate with them.  We already love each other, even though the physical baby is just an idea right now.

Crying

I was basically prescribed by my therapist to "have a few good cries."  It came up in conversation about some of my more depressing thoughts and why they may exist.  Crying is such a natural way to deal with stress and pain, either physical or emotional.  Since I have a tendency to prevent myself from crying (purposely in public, and often non-purposely in private) it was thought that if I cried than it would help relieve some of my depression.

Crying Fairy by Andreth
Licensed under Creative Commons

This totally makes sense.  I'm going to have to put some real effort into it though.  After thinking about it I can see crying as a spiritual practice.  It's often done in public during spiritual events like weddings and funerals.  Unfortunately, in American culture it is often discouraged.  I remember growing up and being told not to cry.  It's easy to think that if someone stops crying then they are no longer in pain, but that is not always the case.  Especially if they've been told to stop crying, then it's likely that now instead of crying they are bottling up their pain and/or stress which can have much worse future consequences than simply crying it out.

I remember a church sermon from Sharon Hogan were she promoted screaming a spiritual practice.  As a "meditation" she encouraged the congregation to scream.  I think it's a good comparison to crying as a spiritual practice since screaming is also a natural response to pain and stress.  It's much easier to scream on demand rather than cry though, which just makes it harder to incorporate crying into spirituality.  However, thinking of crying as a spiritual practice may help me to actually "have a few good cries" occasionally, maybe.